Humerus
by mya
Summary: A Diablo II comedy adventure
1. Afternoon of the Living Dead

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 1 of 8  
  
  
  
AFTERNOON OF THE LIVING DEAD  
  
  
  
Beneath the fiery red banner of 'Dreadwhisker the Mewling', the Sabre Cat army pressed onward across the searing sand, whining and groaning in their guttural tongue. Their terrible captain raced at their head, cocooned in bronze armour, her spear raised high above her. In front, the gleaming spires of the Jewel City pricked the sky; Lut Gholein, pulsing with life, and roaring with the noises of a populace unaware of their own humungous peril. Dreadwhisker spat a curse, as her animal mind conjured images of the human mercenaries, whose spears had slain so many of her kin in their previous assaults on the city; but now, with all the clans of the desert sabres united under her leadership, the Jewel City would be hers for the plucking, and she would strip the flesh from the mercenary captain's gullet with her teeth!  
  
The warhost passed to within fifty yards of the city's walls, and still there was no sign of resistance - too late for your spearmen to rally, now, thought Dreadwhisker, "Too late for your acne-faced boy-sultan to raise the defences," she purred, "or your *hack-SPIT!* red-robed, goat-loving wizard to conjure his magicks!" she roared, spraying thick, stringy gobs of spittle and furry bits, "Your city is mine, you monkeys! Dreadwhisker is coming! Rhaarrrgh!"  
  
At precisely that moment there was a bright, white flash, and Dreadwhisker the Mewling, scourge of the Eastern desert, terror of traders, and idol to thousands of impressionable sabre-kittens, fell to the ground, dead. For a half-a dozen yards or so, she slid limply onwards, as the army at her back came skidding to a halt. Shocked, stunned, generally not terribly pleased in the slightest, they stared numbly at their commander's lifeless corpse, and sensing the faintest glimmer of movement against the heat-haze before them, they looked towards Lut Gholein. A man, or at least something man- like, stood before the gates, dressed from head to toe in black. Fearsome, yet oddly fashionable arrangements of what appeared to be bone were draped across his shoulders and waist, and a great, horned skull adorned his head. Sand whipped at the man's feet, and brandishing a long, cracked leg-bone in his hand, he swaggered forward to confront the throng of sabre cats. At his sides were four others, three of whom appeared to be extraordinarily anorexic humans. The small party faced off against the murmuring sabre cat battle group, outnumbered as they were some fifty times to one, and with some apparent sombreness, the man in black's companions peered down at Dreadwhisker's cadaver. Abruptly, one of them spoke.  
  
"Fucking hell!" said Barry the skeleton, and peered across at the Man in Black. "You bloody killed her! Well, that's all right, we can all go home now, right chief?"  
  
As one, the saber cats gave a roar that shook the dunes for a mile in every direction, and with pure hatred burning in their slit eyes, they launched themselves at the strangers. Barry briefly pondered on the fact that had he still possessed a bladder, it would surely have emptied by now - and then the fighting started. The Man in Black raised his bone-wand, sending wafer- thin lances of white light deep into their ranks, slaughtering dozens of them in a hot, bloody flash. At once, the Man's companions rallied themselves - the other two skeletons began to fire orbs of magical energy at the sabres, one freezing them to icy blocks with bolts of sheer cold, the other barbequing them extra-crispy with fire. The man's fourth companion lumbered ahead, a great, dripping juggernaut of flesh and sinew, as well as various meaty appendages that are best left undescribed, and eviscerated the bawling felines with crushing swipes from his bony forelimbs. Where the sabres fell, their bodies exploded in great grisly puffs of intestines and matted fur, or burst into clouds of noxious gas. Strange arcane enchantments ripped the air, striking the cats down with sudden blindness, or stupidity, or the sudden urge to vomit up their last meal, along with whatever other hairy nastiness they may have swallowed in the last day or so. In less than a minute, the entire army of the desert sabres had been decimated, the few battered survivors scurrying away towards their refuge in the hills.  
  
"Ye'd better run, ye fekkers!" howled Morag the skeletal mage in her broad Scottish twang, and shook her smouldering fist after them. "Yeh bastard furry arses'll be mine to toy with if I sees yuz again, and I'll shove me boot so far up ye cracks, I'll use your teeth as toenails! Ye fekkers!"  
  
Barry rubbed his skull, and dragged himself to his feet. Another fight spent cowering in the dirt - nothing new there, but he really figured that today would have been the end of it. So many of them, and all it would have taken was one solid blow to his neck, or to that slender, narrow length of spine that now constituted his waist, and it would have been over, and he could have escaped this joke of an existence - wandering around with mister goth wannabe over there, and the other three losers he'd dragged here to do his dirty work. He couldn't remember where he'd been before he was summoned, but it had to be a good deal better than this, surely.  
  
Meanwhile, 'Bludluxor the Chill-handed Defiler of Worlds' surveyed the carnage at his bony feet, and grinned, liplessly. Soon, his plan to overthrow the land of, well, wherever the hell he was, and rule over it with an iron, icy fist, would come to fruition. These fools who fought at his side, though vaguely useful for now, would soon feel his frozen wrath, and feeding off their strength, he would -  
  
"Oy, are ye coming, Kevin?" asked Morag.  
  
"Damn it, witch, I told you!" hissed Bludluxor, fuming, "My name is Bludluxor the Chill-handed Def-"  
  
'MINIONS FOLLOW' boomed the psychic voice of the Man in Black, as he marched back towards the city.  
  
"We will continue this later, you smoke-faced hag! I warn you, I will not tolerate such impertinence for long!" spat Bludluxor, and stormed off after him.  
  
Morag shook her head, and wandered over towards Barry, who was stood looking rather forlorn and hopeless, staring at a sabre cat carcass.  
  
"Y'a'right there?" she asked.  
  
Barry sighed, and looked at the ground. "Christ Morag, I don't know how much more of this I can handle. God knows how many bloody years I've spent dragging my sorry arse around behind that tosser," he said nodding over at the Man in Black, "and what's it gotten me? Nothing. I dunno how you and Kevin deal with it. I've dreamt about a nice, weighty battle-axe coming right down on top of my head - cleaves me in two it does, and then that's the end of it. Peace. Just.final peace. But it never comes."  
  
"Aye." Said Morag, and pushed the sand around with her toes. "Well, regardless, it was a right brave display ye put on today, Barry, an' no foolin."  
  
"Oh, shut it."  
  
"Nay, seriously!" Morag laughed, "It was one fer the books! The way ye actually buried your head under the sand like one o' them big fluffy birds, it was marvellous! Ha!"  
  
" I swear Morag, one of these days, I'm gonna."  
  
"Ye gonna wha'?" said Morag, clicking her jaw.  
  
"I'm gonna kick yer arse."  
  
"Oh aye, like ye could, ye big girl's blouse. Now come on, or we'll be late, and the Man'll get angry."  
  
Leaving the cat corpses behind to fester in the sun, Barry and Morag scuttled off to rejoin the others, and like some vast, jiggling mound of mincemeat, the flesh golem shambled after them. 


	2. Once Before I'm Gone

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 2 of 8  
  
ONCE BEFORE I'M GONE  
  
The hectic bustle and imaginative swearing of the early evening tavern were mostly absent in the 'Urdar's Nose'; the drinkers were, needless to say, thoroughly unnerved by the sight of three skeletons and a golem made of flesh, inhabiting their drinking hole - the spectacle of Barry reaching up through his own ribcage, and then scratching his chin, was alone enough to send five of them running for the door.  
  
"Kindly refrain from doing that." Muttered Bludluxor. "You're disturbing my meditation."  
  
"Oh, I'm just having a bit of fun, Kev. Oh shit, I think me arm's stuck!"  
  
"Serves ye right Barry," frowned Morag, "now quit muckin' about, the Man's tryin' to conduct his business!"  
  
Over in the corner, the Man in Black was seated at a small table, conversing quietly, yet rather intensely with a mysterious robed gentleman. The flesh golem was standing close at hand, presumably acting as the Man in Black's bodyguard.  
  
"Will you stop that!" Bludluxor said angrily, as Barry began to wriggle and gyrate, in order to free his arm.  
  
"Hang about, I've nearly got it!"  
  
Barry wrenched his arm loose with a sickening crunch that sent another patron scurrying for the exit.  
  
"Good grief, why I must share company with a pair of moronic skeletons such as yourselves is beyond even my unfathomable comprehension!"  
  
"Well, p'raps it's 'cos we share so much in common." Said Barry. Morag flashed him a stern look, and shook her head, stiffly.  
  
"Indeed?" scoffed Bludluxor, turning his nasal cavity up at Barry, "And what, may I ask, could a sorcerer of my superlative efficacy possibly have in common with a pair of summoned skeletons?"  
  
Barry caught Morag's glare once again, and gave a soft sigh.  
  
"Ehh, I guess nothing. Forget I mentioned it, Kevin."  
  
Bludluxor bolted from his chair, and pointed a cruel finger at Barry, the air at its tip beginning to condense.  
  
"Bludluxor! Damn your eye sockets! My name, you stupid, bony wretches, is Bludluxor the Chill-Handed! I am the defiler of worlds, the bane of heat, the antithesis of all things warm and comfortably temperate! You shall refer to me by my true name, and no other, else I shall freeze your bones and shatter them into a thousand pieces! Bah! Curse you! Curse you all to the chilly abyss!"  
  
And with that, he stomped out into the street, and slammed the tavern door shut behind him The Man in Black peered over his shoulder for a moment, then returned his attention to the robed figure, while the rest of the tavern looked about ready to empty their bowels at any moment.  
  
"Och, tsk. Now see what ye did! Ye've upset him!" said Morag.  
  
"Oh get over it, yer stupid trout, it's not my fault he doesn't even know his own name! Christ, it's bad enough that he thinks he's still alive." Said Barry.  
  
"Well, if it's what he believes, then let him. He does'nae do any harm to anyone, with all of that 'mighty Bloodlicker' guff, so we might as well go on humouring him."  
  
"Right fine, whatever. And just what the hell are we doing here anyway? All these breathers looking at us like that, I'd rather be somewhere else, know what I mean?"  
  
"I told ye," said Morag, "The Man's trying to find out about his next quest."  
  
"Oh Gawd, his quest," scoffed Barry, and rested his head on his hand. "I ask you Morag, what sort of a muggins goes his whole life taking and completing quests, eh? One after the other, never-ending bloody quests. It's not normal, I'm sure of it."  
  
"Hush up, ye daft bastard, he'll hear ye!"  
  
"Oh sod him. So what is it this time, do you think? More crypt-robbing p'raps? Kill some mutated vultures that've been gobbling up local children, or maybe its bugs again?"  
  
"Ach not bugs, I hope," said Morag, with a grimace-like turn of her skull, "I hate bugs. Awful little fekkers, even when they're not two hundred times their usual size. Anyhow, I've no idea. I s'pose we'll find out sooner or later."  
  
Just then, they felt a sudden psychic 'push', as the Man in Black relayed his commands to them.  
  
'MINIONS, REST.'  
  
He had already left the table and was on his way out; the robed figure was nowhere to be seen. With a distasteful squelch, the flesh golem sagged on the spot, its various chunky outcroppings drooping down onto the tavern floor.  
  
"Wonderful. 'Rest', he says. Gawd only knows what lovely surprises he has planned for us tomorrow." Said Barry.  
  
"More o' the same, I guess." Sighed Morag. "No reason to expect anything different."  
  
"Bloody hell, what a life, eh? Jesus, just once, I'd like to know beforehand what it is we're about to get chucked into."  
  
"Oh aye? An' how'll ye do that? Ask the Man, mebbe?"  
  
"Oh, very bloody funny. Yeah, he'd like being disturbed, wouldn't he?"  
  
"Well, p'raps, if ye catch him in an impatient mood, he'd go an blast ye to smithereens with his wand- that's what ye'd want, isn't it?" said Morag, suddenly sounding a little bitter.  
  
"Hardly, love. How often do these magic types just plain kill their servants? Nah, more likely I'll end up damned for all eternity, or he'll make me into a suit of armour, or a snow globe or summin'. Not exactly what I'm looking for."  
  
"A' right. Then what'll ye do?"  
  
Barry shook his head, at a loss, and then noticed the flesh golem's slowly swaying form across the table from him.  
  
"Hey - Fleshy was standing over by him when he took his quest, he must've heard the whole thing! Oi, Fleshy!"  
  
Barry stepped up in front of the slumbering meat mannequin, and gave it a sharp prod in the region that was roughly equivalent to a person's chest.  
  
"Fleshy!"  
  
Deep within the recesses of the flesh golem's mind, all was calm and at peace. Having considered the nature of the cosmos and the various laws of existence, it had just discovered that the true meaning of all life was the sound 'bollabollabollabolla'. It had also been pondering the various dimensions of reality - the first, second and third, of course, being that of height, breadth and depth, and the fourth being that of time, it had made the monumentally significant discovery that the eighteenth dimension was that of banana. These were mysteries that humanity would not uncover for eons to come, and yet to the flesh golem, they were piffling things - mere fleeting wisps of thought. Far more engaging were the activities of the summoned skeleton who was currently standing in front of it, gesticulating like a drunken chimp.  
  
"Hello, anybody in there?" asked Barry. "Come on, mate, speaky speaky! Gawd, this thing's dense. Wake up, you muppet!"  
  
"Your wasting ye time," said Morag, "he never says nuthin' to anyone."  
  
"Ah, but he's just never had the opportunity. I mean, he's only a lump of meat - it's not as if he's ever had anything intelligent or profound to say, so I suppose he just kept his gob shut. Or whatever it is that he speaks with."  
  
Barry stood on tiptoes, and peered into the cavernous, blood-sodden sockets that housed the golem's eyes somewhere deep inside.  
  
"Hoi! I need - to ask you - a question!" he said slowly. A wet flicker of reflected light within signalled the golem's attention.  
  
"Right. What is the Man's next quest?"  
  
A very low, and throaty gurgle built in the golem's throat. Churning its way upward, a mix of blood, bile and spittle welled into its mouth, and in a sudden, vigorous sputter, ended up on Barry's face.  
  
"For fuck's sake! You disgusting bast-"  
  
"TENBLADE." Rasped the golem.  
  
"-ard, if you ever, do.that.what?"  
  
"Did he say 'Tenblade'?" asked Morag.  
  
"Yeah.yeah he did."  
  
"Well, who's Tenblade?"  
  
Morag stared, awaiting an explanation, but Barry said nothing, and just stood, his jaw ajar, and the flesh golem's upchuck dripping from his chin.  
  
"Barry?"  
  
It was a name rooted in the past, and it was tied with an overpowering sense of fear. Had he known the name when he was alive? He held some memory of it, that was certain - a mix of blurry images, and the ringing sound of cold steel.  
  
"He's a demon. That's what some people say - a monster, he lives out beyond the edge of the Golden Dunes, he's killed more people than.well, he's killed a lot of people. Armies, whole armies, he's supposed to have slaughtered. He's got ten arms, and holds a scimitar as long as a man in each hand; only a few have ever seen him and lived, and most of them have lost a limb or two."  
  
"So, what are ye thinkin," said Morag, "that we're goin' to pick a fight wi' 'im?"  
  
"Looks that way. Has to be."  
  
No wizard, no warrior, no rogue or priest had ever defeated Tenblade. The bodies of brave and powerful fools trailed in his wake like large, gory, funny-looking footprints, and the Man in Black would be no different. He would fight to the end, and he would lose, and if by some miracle, Barry hadn't already been hacked to splinters by then, he would perish the very instant the Man in Black lost his life. Barry spun around, and clutched Morag by the shoulders.  
  
"We're going to die tomorrow, Morag. Properly, I mean. There's no two ways about it; we ain't got a blind, featherless duck's chance in hell against Tenblade. And then that'll be the end of it. We'll be free!"  
  
"Dinnae lose your head, laddie. We've pulled through tougher scrapes than this Tenblade feller, I'm sure've it."  
  
"No! We haven't, Morag, not ever! He'll be the death of us!" said Barry, a look of desperate, morbid hope in his eye sockets.  
  
"Oh, why Barry? Why do ye want it so? Why do ye want to die, when ye've got a second chance here, when ye've got a life?"  
  
"This ain't no life, Morag. It's a gag, and a crappy one at that. Don't tell me that this is what you want, for the rest of your whole existence!"  
  
"No. It's not," Morag said, shaking her head wearily, "but I'm afraid. And I know you are too, I've seen ye cower as soon as the fightin' starts!"  
  
"I'm afraid of dying, not death," said Barry, "I don't have the guts to stand up and watch it happen, but that doesn't mean that I don't want it. I want it, Morag! I can't go on like this!"  
  
"But, I dinnae want to die, Barry!" sobbed Morag.  
  
"Come on now, we've already done it once, this next time.well, we'll be doing it right. It'll be peaceful this time, I promise! Like death's supposed to be."  
  
Morag nodded, and the two of them sat slowly back down at the table. The golem shuffled alongside them; most of the tavern's occupants were warily keeping to their own business, trying to pay as little heed to the three of them as possible.  
  
"So what now?" asked Morag.  
  
"I don't know. This is our last night of 'life'. We're in the unique position of knowing that we'll most likely be dead this time tomorrow."  
  
Barry drummed his fingers on the table, and gave a resounding nod.  
  
"Right. I want to do something special tonight. Let's hit the town - we've got twelve hours or so, to do whatever the hell there is to do in this city. So let's do it all!"  
  
"Are ye mad, Barry? What if the Man finds out?"  
  
"He won't!" said Barry, rising to his feet. "Trust me! Come on, our last night on Earth, let's make it the best one we've ever had!"  
  
"But - but - we're fekkin' skeletons! What can we do in a city?"  
  
Barry took Morag by the hand, and gave her a look that she hadn't seen in all of the time she'd known him - a sort of strange bravery, not in the face of blades, or magicks, but death itself. It would come for them soon enough, but not before they'd had one last shindig - a proper sending-off.  
  
"Come on, Morag. Please come with me."  
  
She rose from her seat, and the three of them, Barry, Morag, and the flesh golem, made their towards the tavern door, just in time to bump into Bludluxor.  
  
"Ah, there you are!" he said, "Now see here. Considering your apparent usefulness, I have, for the present time, leastwise, decided to forgive your blatant display of impudence, but I should warn you that the unusually forbearing state of mind which I am currently in is most likely transitory at best, and so you should be aware that any further slips on your part would most likely result in your immediate, and utter eradication amidst a hail of frozen death the likes of which you have nev-"  
  
"Get your arse in gear, Kevin!" said Barry, spinning him around, and shoving him back onto the street, "We're going out on the lash!" 


	3. The Last Hurrah

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 3 of 8  
  
  
  
THE LAST HURRAH  
  
  
  
Murasef Jhunna was hiding underneath the exquisitely woven sheets of his luxury four-poster bed, and shivering like a newborn weasel when his fourth wife walked into the room, the obligatory bunch of grapes pinned between her thumb and forefinger. It could have been the shivering, but most likely it was the feverish, squeaky whimpering that told her that her husband was not in good spirits that night. She stepped closer and peeled back the blanket, at which point Murasef bolted upright, and yelled:  
  
"THEY TOOK MY PURSE!"  
  
"Who took your purse, my dearest husband, whose face shines like the softest buttocks of the grazing -"  
  
"THREE.THREE.THREE SKELETONS! AND A HUGE, WALKING SHISHKEBAB!"  
  
As Murasef degenerated into a gibbering, blubbering wreck, halfway across the city, three skeletons and a huge, walking shishkebab were standing at the doorway of the 'Munter's Mirror' - one of Lut Gholein's more upmarket, though typically rowdy taverns; frequented by, amongst others, ship captains, foreign traders (both legal and illegal) and all manner of wealthy opportunists looking for a place to spend their well-stolen cash.  
  
"Christ, Barry, what're ye thinkin'? There's no way they'll let us stay in here, not wi'out the Man in Black!" said Morag.  
  
Barry, however, strolled forward, his teeth clicking with anticipation.  
  
"Don't worry about it, I came in here alone by mistake once, and they didn't bat an eyelid - would've stayed longer if the Man hadn't called me back."  
  
As unlikely as it sounded, Morag looked around and figured it was probably true; the prodigious amounts of alcohol being funnelled down every throat, along with liberal amounts of substance abuse meant that most of the people in there were smelling sounds and hearing at right-angles. Three skeletons and a flesh golem were probably quite tame compared to what some of them were seeing.  
  
Morag followed quickly behind, and behind her skulked Bludluxor, who was muttering angrily about something or other ('wretched, bony bastards.!'), and following him lurched the golem. Reaching the bar, Barry pulled out a small, but very heavy silk pouch, untied the neck, and peered inside.  
  
"Och, I can't believe we robbed that poor chappie," muttered Morag, "Ye know, if he goes to the guards, we'll be in the shite, an' no mistake!"  
  
"Well, to be fair, we didn't actually rob him," said Barry, "You were there - all I did was ask him directions, and he shoved it into my hands, and begged me not to devour his eternal soul. Barmy!"  
  
"Aye, well, I s'pose ye've jus' got one o' those faces, Barry."  
  
"What, the sort that isn't actually there?"  
  
Bludluxor shouldered his way past a large drunken tradesman who seemed to be arguing with his left hand, and grabbed Barry by the arm.  
  
"Haah shit, watch it," squealed Barry, "your hands are freezing!"  
  
"Now look here!" hissed Bludluxor, "I don't know what you think you're playing at, leading a sorcerer of my stature into this stinking pit of sin, but I assure you, I'm not in the slightest bit amused!"  
  
"Aw, come on, Kevin-"  
  
"I TOLD YOU -"  
  
"Sorry! Sorry- Bludluxor! My mistake! Look, Bluddy, we're in here on special business.err," Barry looked across at Morag, who shrugged, and turned her attention to the large assortment of vividly coloured bottles arranged behind the bar.  
  
"Er, we're looking for.a magical.thing! A big, powerful magical.thing, artefact, if you will, that'll, er, help us fight Tenblade tomorrow! Really!"  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
"Indeed?" said Bludluxor.  
  
Bludluxor the Chill-handed Defiler of Worlds considered this. If this walking xylophone was indeed telling the truth, then things had definitely begun to look up. An artefact powerful enough to defeat Tenblade - surely whole armies would fall before its might, whole cities.whole countries. He would bide his time, and then, when the moment was right, the artefact would be his for the taking. Yes - yes, it was all coming together.  
  
"S'right!" Said Barry as earnestly as he could, "It's here in this tavern, but it could be difficult to find it, so we may be here a while.okay?"  
  
"Very well," said Bludluxor slyly, as he scanned the tavern's interior, "begin your search here, and I will examine the other end of this.establishment."  
  
"Right you are, Kev- err, Bludluxor. See you later." Said Barry, and fished a few golden coins out of the purse.  
  
Morag stared suspiciously at the chinking handful of money.  
  
"What's happenin'?" she asked.  
  
"We're searching for a magical artefact that's going to help us face Tenblade." Said Barry, giving his temple a knowing tap.  
  
"Aye, so I heard. An' what'd that be, then?  
  
"Huge quantities of brain curdling alcohol." Said Barry, and motioned across to the bartender.  
  
The bartender of the 'Munter's Mirror had pretty much seen it all, being an old hand at the game of life (as well as the game of bartending, which used much the same rules, but had smaller pieces); he'd come across odder things than skeletons and golems - his own brother for instance had been left with the head, hind legs and odour of a pack mule after a nasty run-in with a sorcerer, but that was neither here nor there.  
  
"I'll have a mug of whatever brew you've got going," said Barry, and handed over a coin. The bartender poured his drink, and pushed it in front of him.  
  
"Right, lovely." Said Barry, closing his hand around it, "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"  
  
At this point, Morag, who was looking at Barry in much the same way as you would look at a person who's trying to unlock a door with a cucumber, thought about saying any of a huge variety of things; she could have brought up the point that, being a skeleton, Barry didn't have a tongue to appreciate the taste of his drink, or a throat to carry it to his stomach, or indeed, a stomach. And perhaps most importantly of all, he had absolutely no brain matter to be subjected to the drink's (illegally high) alcohol content. In the end, being spoilt for choice, she simply said nothing, and watched.  
  
In one long, smooth motion, Barry drained the mug and slammed it down on the bar.  
  
"Aah!" he said, scraping the back of his hand across his teeth, "It's been too bloody long since I had one of those!"  
  
"How - how did yeh.?" stuttered Morag, staring Barry up and down. Tossing another coin onto the bar, Barry motioned for another drink and said, a little blearily,  
  
"Don't ask me, love - I know, I know I'm a skeleton, so how's it possible.all I know is that was the best pint I've tasted in ages. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure there's a puddle down by my feet, so who knows what's going on? You getting one?"  
  
There was a short, thought-intensive pause, after which Morag pointed down at a bottle filled with a deep amber liquid and said to the bartender:  
  
"I'll 'ave tha' one."  
  
Over in the corner, the flesh golem waited silently. In the murky, unfathomable depths of its consciousness, it had come down to a toss-up between watching the soon-to-be drunken antics of the two skeletons at the bar, or keeping track of the skeleton who had wandered to the rear of the tavern. It was a strange thing, more than simple, idle interest that compelled it to observe the three of them. The golem put the thought to the back of its mind, and squelched its way into the shadows at the back of the pub.  
  
***  
  
Today was not a good day for Bludluxor, the Chill-handed Defiler of Worlds, but then, life in general had been rather testing of late. It was enough of a chore to have to endure the companionship of three utter morons with barely a savvy thought between them, but to be subject to the beck and call of some novice, brazen necromancer (and quite how a necromancer was able to hold sway over him was quite beyond Bludluxor's considerable grasp) was a slight on his being that would have to be repaid a hundred-fold. But that would come in time; for now, his main concern was turning aside enough crusty tankards and sifting through enough puddles of grease and other thankfully unidentifiable substances, that he might find this artefact of great power. However, with said artefact being nowhere in sight, and his forearms sticky with spilt ale, and covered with bits of hair, fluff, and the odd tooth, Bludluxor's mood was quickly degenerating from poor to flesh- devouringly malevolent. Wherever his icy stare fell, there was yet more to irritate him - slack-jawed, pampered debutants, fat and woozy upon every vice their money could purchase, garishly dressed women, completely devoid of any class or intelligence or subtlety. Still Bludluxor searched, his arms lashing out, toppling pots of tobacco, vials of sickly perfume, and eventually, a drink - into the lap of a very, very large man, who happened to be carrying a very, very large axe, and who was accompanied by several of his friends, all of whom were also very, very - well, you get the idea. Not a good day at all.  
  
***  
  
Barry had given up trying to keep track of exactly how many drinks he'd had; however many it was, it had barely made a dent in the funds in his pouch. A better measure, perhaps, might have been the ever-expanding pool of alcohol that he was now standing in. In any case, he was now, as the saying goes, completely rat-arsed. Yet another tankard went to his mouth full, came away empty, and the pool swelled a little more.  
  
"Ffuhh!" he said, "I tells you, M'rag, 'ss best thing inna world, cutting llloose like this, with your mates, y'know? And you really are my mate, M'rag. Really, really, rrreally."  
  
"Aye."  
  
"I mean, I know we.didn't 'sactly hit it off when w'firs' met," continued Barry, "aw t'be fair, I thought you were a rrright barmy old cow. Still do, in fact. But th' plain truth've it is - your like fffamily to me, Morag, you and Kevvin, and, well, even Fffleshy.you're the- the best mates've evvver had, and God knows hhhow I'd have made it through all a' this bollocks withou' yuh."  
  
"Aye."  
  
"An' I know thisss is gonna sound soft, but I'm gonna say it aaanyway - I fffuckin' love you Morag! And Kevin, I fuckin' love him as well! And Wossface. Oh, but the Man in Black, don' get me started on 'im! Bleedin' arrsse bandit!"  
  
A short pause followed, while Barry gazed vacantly ahead. "Wha' was I sayin'?"  
  
In actuality, Morag hadn't heard a great deal of what Barry had just been saying, as she was staring, completely entranced, at the gold-coloured buttons on the bartender's tunic.  
  
"Hoi there missser, who makes your wee gold buttons?" she slurred.  
  
"Rrright, right," said Barry, "who makes my wee gold buttons? Well it's uh, I mean, it's - uh.eh? Gold buttons?"  
  
There was a great roar of noise, that against the tavern's soft mix of giggling, contented sighing, and wet, slurping noises, seemed as mighty as a thunderclap. Barry and Morag turned, or rather lolled their heads in its general direction, to see a huge mass of bodies, furniture, flailing weaponry, and, curiously, ice, crashing towards them. 


	4. Hello and Goodbye

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 4 of 8  
  
  
  
HELLO AND GOODBYE  
  
  
  
The sun was up, the sky was blue, and the streets were buzzing; it was a beautiful morning in Lut Gholein. Unless you were a summoned skeleton named Barry, in which case it was the most horrific, and hideously conceived implement of torture known to man.  
  
There was a soft cawing somewhere in the distance, and the sound of something sloshing against something else, and there was some muttering and gasping, though it sounded fuzzy and out of focus. And of course, there was an awful lot of pain. It was as if Barry could feel all of the two hundred and six bones that constituted his body, simply by virtue of how much each one of them was hurting. And nausea wasn't an apt enough word to describe the other symptom of Barry's hangover - saying that it felt as though something very old and very hairy had crawled into his stomach (which didn't exist of course), sicked up, had a couple of babies and then died, would have been more appropriate.  
  
At first Barry thought he was hallucinating, since all he could see was a bright, glowing blue, with thick black lines criss-crossing in front of it; this was followed by the realisation that he was in fact lying on his back looking up at the sky, and tangled up in a fishing net. He was at the docks.  
  
"Ohhh.fffeck me." Said a wooden crate in front of him.  
  
"Morag? God.is that you?"  
  
"Uuungh."  
  
Morag's head rose slowly and unsteadily from the depths of the crate, and peered over at Barry.  
  
"Buh- Barry? Christ, I feel shite." She whimpered.  
  
"You and me both, love."  
  
"Wha' happened? Last night?"  
  
Last night. Barry thought back, as far as his pounding head would let him; he remembered a chubby little bloke handing him a pouch full of coins, and he remembered walking into the 'Munter's Mirror', and after that everything turned into a big, soggy mess. He had a vague recollection of getting into a fight with a bunch of very, very large men, and pressing his memory a little further, he found cloudy impressions of visiting a belly dancing bar, having his fortune told by an old woman with a moustache, and he was fairly certain that at some point he'd entered into an illegal camel race. "A fair bit, as I recall." He said.  
  
The dock workers, who had previously been standing, staring, gawping and pointing at Barry and Morag, had been bullied back to work by their supervisor, who clearly wasn't impressed by the two of them. Barry took a long, slow look around, rubbed his head, and made an attempt at untangling himself from the fishing net. Hangover, diminished physical coordination, and the complete lack of any will to live made it a very unsuccessful attempt.  
  
"S'a'right, Barry, love - lemme get that. I'll burn the side off for ye." Murmured Morag, who with some difficulty extended a shaky hand, jabbed her finger in the air, and ignited a passing seagull.  
  
"Right.okay," said Barry, as he watched the flaming bird arc slowly downwards, and dive-bomb into the sea. "Don't worry about it, Morag - think I can manage."  
  
Pulling his knife from his belt, Barry gave a sigh, and set to work cutting his way out.  
  
*** The flesh golem had been thinking long and hard for the past four hours. The night before had long since turned into the morning after, yet the memories of drinking, brawling, dancing, goat frightening and midget tossing were still vivid and fresh. It had been a night of excess in every way, but also a night of lessons - for instance: never make fun of a gypsy woman's facial hair, always wash your hands after you've stuck them inside a live animal, and never, ever do the Kalimshite Tango with an eighty-year- old. And indeed, it had also been a night of answers, to some very pressing questions. But the night was past, and in the light of the new morning, it was clear that some important decisions would have to be made.  
  
Slowly lowering itself from the roof of the Lut Gholein Senior Citizens Dancing School, the flesh golem set off in search of its companions.  
  
***  
  
There was something inherently soothing about sitting on the end of a pier, and the motion and sound of water, as it pushed and pulled against wooden supports; Barry's head had started to feel less like it was ablaze, and more like it was just being lightly toasted. And it was a good view - endless blue, above and below, with a bright off-white somewhere in the middle.  
  
"I still can't figure out how we can get hung over, what with us being skeletons and all." Said Barry quizzically.  
  
"Never mind the hangover, how the feck did we get pissed in the first place?" said Morag, as she massaged the sides of her skull.  
  
"I haven't got the first clue, love. Maybe it was all just psychological, you know - mind over matter and all that."  
  
Morag gave Barry a wry look.  
  
"Well all right, all right," he said, "then let's just take the easy route and say it was magic."  
  
"I dinna think so, Barry. Magic's supposed to be very specific - to think there's a magic spell out there, made just to allow the undead to get hammered.seems a little far-fetched, ye know what I mean?"  
  
"Well, bloody hell, I don't know." Sighed Barry. "But we know it happened, so there must be some reason for it. To be dead honest with you, though, I really don't want to know how it happened, or why. I'm just glad it did."  
  
"Yeah?" said Morag, turning towards him.  
  
"Yeah. It was the best night I've ever had, Morag. Best night of my life."  
  
"Mine too."  
  
It all felt different today. In fact, it almost felt like they were alive. They could feel the sea air washing coolly over them, colours and scents seemed sharper, just that little bit more vivid than before; the monotony of un-death had given way for a night, and this morning of near-life was their reward. But it couldn't last. Barry hung his head, as he remembered what it was they were going to do today.  
  
"So, I -uh, suppose this is it." He said.  
  
"I suppose." Morag said quietly.  
  
Both of them were silent for a short time, and then Barry said:  
  
"Nice day for it, though"  
  
"What, dyin'?"  
  
"Um.oh, sorry. Yeah, that was a bit of a stupid thing to say, wasn't it?"  
  
"Doesn't matter." Said Morag. "I suppose yeh right. Better than dyin' in a sandstorm - I hate sandstorms."  
  
"Yeah, me too."  
  
For a while longer, the two of them simply sat, and watched the rolling motions of ships, and listened to the soft, distant sounds that carried through into the port. Eventually, Morag turned her head once more.  
  
"Barry, I -"  
  
Suddenly, there came the psychic call of the Man in Black, like a dull spike piercing the calm.  
  
'MINIONS GATHER'  
  
Barry looked around at Morag, and held her gaze just for a moment.  
  
"Come on, love," he said quietly, "let's go."  
  
The easy pace of early morning broke into a stride as the day started proper; markets opened, and crowds slowly began to filter out into the sun. The psychic 'leash' of the Man in Black drew them deeper into the heart of Lut Gholein, past the bustling and shouting, and into a quiet, hidden away section of the city. Alleys criss-crossed, carrying faint echoes of voices and sounds across the stonework. At a lonely junction, with tenements looming high around them, Barry and Morag stopped, and waited.  
  
"Where are they?" Said Barry, glancing up and down the alleyways.  
  
"S'a'right, they'll be here in a minute."  
  
They carried on waiting, and after a little while, the two of them heard the sounds of a slow, sweeping shuffle carrying towards them. The flesh golem, its huge, glistening bulk filling the entire width of the alley, was trudging slowly towards them, and in front of it walked a diminished and rather dismal looking Bludluxor.  
  
"Bloody hell," said Barry as they approached, "what happened to you?"  
  
Bludluxor shouldered his way past Barry, and sagged against a wall.  
  
"What happened to me?" he sneered, "Well.let's see. First, I am dragged into a filthy slum by your good self, and led to believe that some powerful magical weapon is hidden there - then while searching for this weapon, which I am now certain was NEVER BLOODY THERE, I am accosted by a group of foul-smelling, pig-molesting barbarians, and thrown out into the street along with the three of you, though I'd expect you might not remember, since you were BLIND STINKING DRUNK! Oh, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed them yelling 'foul abomination of evil!' at me and taking it in turns to try and lop my head off - yes, yes of all the ways I can think of to spend an evening, I think that tops them all! And I assure you, that if you hadn't dragged me away, I would have FROZEN THE BASTARDS SOLID! After that, I must have taken a blow to the head, or have been overcome by some form of temporary insanity, because I can recall actually agreeing to sample some of that disgusting fluid the two of you were spilling into your mouths, and after that, well! What can I say - yes I quite enjoyed being gawked at by passers-by as I made a COMPLETE ARSE OF MYSELF, and when I PICKED A FIGHT WITH AN ENTIRE LUT GHOLEIN MERCENARY BRIGADE, THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE WHOLE EVENING! ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY BEAT ME UP, AND THREW ME INTO THE SEWER! THAT'S - WHAT HAPPENED - TO ME!"  
  
The sound of Bludluxor's screaming ricocheted through the alleys around them for a second, before silence fell again. With an irritated mumble, he slid down the wall and sat cross-legged on the ground.  
  
"When I awoke, this flesh-bound lummox was standing over me," he said, nodding up at the golem, "and hearing the call of our 'good master', we came here. Hmph. Still.despite the momentous cock-up that last night proved to be, I suppose matters could have been worse. At least I am alive, and uninjured."  
  
Barry took a cautious step closer.  
  
"Uninjured? Err, mate, I'm not exactly an expert, but as far as my understanding of the word goes, well.I don't really think you qualify."  
  
"What in the hells are you blathering about? Spat Bludluxor.  
  
"For God's sake, look at your arm!" Said Morag.  
  
He did, and saw quite quickly what the others had seen, but he himself had somehow managed to overlook. His right hand, along with a good eight inches of the forearm, had been chopped clean off.  
  
"My God!" he croaked, and clutched at the stump with his other hand. But then, seeing his hand, he slowly held it up, and turned it this way and that as though seeing it for the first time. And looking past his hand, Bludluxor saw his feet, his legs, and his pelvis. He made a sort of dry gasping noise, before clambering to his feet and staggering forward.  
  
"My - my flesh.where's - where's my flesh?"  
  
"Err, Morag?" Said Barry as the two of them backed away.  
  
"You wretched, thieving bastards, what have you done with my flesh!" Bludluxor shrieked.  
  
"Ye.dinnae have any," said Morag softly, "You're one've us - ye've always been one've us."  
  
"I've.I'm - I'm -" he stuttered.  
  
"A skeleton." Said Morag.  
  
Bludluxor stepped back a couple of paces and gave a faint, slightly hysterical chuckle.  
  
"A skeleton." He said, and sank back down onto the floor. He shook his head a few times, and then looked up, his head quivering.  
  
"How could I not have known?"  
  
"Ye did know. At least, ye knew at first, when ye got here." Said Morag. "I remember The Man summoned ye round about the same time as Barry, and back then, ye knew what ye were, and ye even remembered a little about what ye life was like when ye were one've the livin', which was more than me or Barry ever managed. Och, ye were such a nice lad."  
  
"Bloody right you were," said Barry, cutting in, "you were the nicest bloke a fella could hope to meet - always ready for a laugh."  
  
"And so polite." said Morag.  
  
"And you always looked out for me and Morag when the fighting got rough; you'd stick your neck out for us without a thought."  
  
"Aye, and we'd have done the same. We were the three amigos, right?"  
  
"Yeah, bloody right!" said Barry. "Us against the bleedin' world, that's how it was!"  
  
Bludluxor sat still, staring open-mouthed at them.  
  
"And.and what happened?" he said.  
  
"Well, about a year ago," said Morag, "the Man took a quest to get rid of this mad bugger who was using his magic to turn people inta beasts - real powerful he was."  
  
"S'right," said Barry, nodding his head, "He nearly got the better of us, threw all sorts of twisted monsters at us, but we pushed on and we rushed that miserable git -"  
  
"Oh we did, did we?" said Morag slyly.  
  
"Err, well, that is, you three and the Man rushed him - I was, err, you know, lending moral support, aheh. Anyway, long story short, the evil git got done in, but not before he blasted you with a bolt of something nasty."  
  
"Aye. Knocked ye out fer days, it did."  
  
"And when you woke up."  
  
"Ye were 'Bludluxor, the mighty guff-bucket!" Said Morag, throwing her arms in the air. "And that's how ye've been since. We tried to talk ye out of it, for months we tried, but ye'd have none've it - always goin' on about how ye were going to conquer the world or turn it inta a frozen wasteland, or somethin'. Eventually, we just let ye get on with it, hopin ye'd come to your senses sooner or later."  
  
"So.so my name isn't.Bludluxor?"  
  
"No laddie, it's not."  
  
"Then.what is it?"  
  
"We told you," said Barry. ".It's Kevin."  
  
Suddenly, something hard pressed the air, like water between panes of glass, and the familiar words were spoken through into their minds.  
  
'MINIONS ASSEMBLE'  
  
The Man in Black had arrived. 


	5. Bones that Bleed

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 5 of 8  
  
  
  
BONES THAT BLEED  
  
  
  
Travelling the dunes is no easy affair. It requires preparation, and organisation; it brings threat of fatal dehydration, attack by bandits or sabre cat raiders, and worst of all, it requires sitting on the back of a ferociously bad smelling camel for several hours at a time. For the magically inclined, however, there are certain short cuts that may be made.  
  
In this quiet intersection of alleys, three skeletons and a flesh golem stood still and watched as their master, the Man in Black, began the activation ritual. In seconds, the air seemed to melt away, swirling back to reveal an arch of bright, blue light - a way-portal. This particular one led from the city of Lut Gholein, to a point some thirty leagues away, beyond the Golden Dunes, far to the southeast. With the portal open, the Man in Black turned to look over his servants, and just as well that he did, for he noticed that one had been maimed - the skeletal mage who summoned the Arctic chill had lost one of his hands. Raising his bonewand, the Man in Black touched it to the stump of his servant's arm - tiny slivers of bone cracked and split from the wand, sliding and scraping across to the skeletal mage's injured limb, collecting in jagged lumps, and fusing together with puffs of smoke. When the grainy surface had smoothed over, a fleshless human hand was left, pristine and undamaged. The skeleton held it up, flexing and turning it, before returning his arm to his side and lowering his head.  
  
Stepping up to the portal, the Man in Black looked back at his retinue.  
  
"MINIONS ENTER'  
  
One by one, the skeletons and golem walked through the gateway, and as the Man in Black followed them through, the way-portal, with a crackling thud, snapped shut.  
  
***  
  
Comparatively speaking, the life of the flesh golem was a brief one; amidst the cosmic sex act that was the time-span of the universe, the golem's life had been the foreplay, there was no doubt about that, but during this briefest, merest flicker of a life, it had discovered secrets and unravelled mysteries that would baffle entire species for eons to come. There was a treasure trove of knowledge in the golem's mind, yet the golem itself failed to see the value in any of it. Why value knowledge that was so far removed from reality that it would never benefit anyone who discovered it? But here in this earthly realm, the golem had discovered questions whose answers could dictate the course of a person's entire life.  
  
The future was rushing headlong into the present, and there was still one more decision to be made - the most important one of all.  
  
***  
  
Barry and Morag scrambled to their feet, and groped forward into the darkness. The thick, dusty air carried echoing sounds that made Barry freeze still with fright.  
  
"Hello?" he whispered.  
  
Something away in the distance answered with a hiss.  
  
"Oh shit." Said Barry.  
  
"Where are we?" said Morag, "where are the others?"  
  
"We're.we're here. We're in his lair. This - this is where he lives. Tenblade."  
  
A fierce yellow light pushed back the dark as one of Morag's hands erupted into flame. She swished it around, trying to find her bearings, then shone it towards Barry, and gasped.  
  
"Barry, what's - what's wrong with ye?"  
  
He was standing perfectly rigid, staring straight ahead. He was practically sweating terror.  
  
"Barry, are ye a'right?" said Morag, grasping his arm with her other hand.  
  
"The others.they could be anywhere." Said Barry. "His lair - there's a magical barrier around it. It.attacks any attempt to teleport inside, tries to - to separate bigger groups into smaller ones, so they're easier to deal with. I forgot it. Oh God, I forgot all about it."  
  
"But.how could ye know about that?" asked Morag.  
  
"I've.been here before, Morag," said Barry, moving at last, and turning towards her. "This.this is where I died."  
  
"Where ye.oh Christ, Barry." Morag said, her voice quivering. "Come on. Come on, we've got to find the others!"  
  
She led Barry forward, and the two of them ventured deeper into the darkness. It felt like they were underground, and the carved stone walls gave the impression of some sort of tomb, but they could sense a corruption coursing through it. Dried blood and fragments of gore were smeared across the walls and ceiling, and the sandy floor was littered with old, broken bones and skulls - some human, others distinctly sub-human.  
  
Something low and furtive shimmied around in the blackness. At first, Barry and Morag thought they might be imagining it, but the sounds grew stronger as they walked on through the passageway, until they felt sure that they were being stalked by whatever nameless things lived in this awful, God- forsaken pit. Morag stopped walking, and turned around to face Barry. The sounds could be heard from somewhere in front of them, as well as behind; the two of them were caught in the middle.  
  
"Barry.?" Said Morag.  
  
They had come to this place to die. Alone, cut off from the others, and surrounded by creatures that killed as easily as they breathed, the two of them stood little chance, especially considering that Barry couldn't have fought his way out of a sack if his un-life depended on it. This was the best opportunity they were going to get; all they had to do was not resist, and it'd be over before they knew it.  
  
But something wasn't right.  
  
"Barry?"  
  
A cold, scraping ring cut through the fetid air as a knife and a hatchet, both rusty with disuse, were drawn from their harnesses. Holding them in hands that would surely have been bone white even if they'd been covered in flesh, Barry backed closer to Morag.  
  
"We've got to keep going, Morag." he said, his voice hoarse with fear, "We can't stop yet - not yet!"  
  
"But -"  
  
"Listen to me - it.it feels all weird! We can't die here, we've got to keep - LOOK OUT!"  
  
Something grey and scaly darted forward into the light of Morag's flames, moving too fast for something of its bulk. Barry shoved Morag to the side of the tunnel, and caught the brunt of the creature's charge; the two of them tumbled to the ground, thrashed against each other, and with a sudden rasping hiss, the beast clawed its way backwards, Barry's knife embedded in its cheek. More shapes formed from the darkness in front, crawling and slithering their way towards the two skeletons.  
  
Morag didn't even need telling once. With both arms outstretched, she sent a plume of roaring yellow flame forward into the tunnel. For a split second, they saw faces, hideous faces lit up, then engulfed in the magical fire. There was an appalling chorus of feral screams and shrieks as the creatures burned, and perished, and fell to the ground twitching and smoking.  
  
Yet more monstrous howls rang out from behind; Morag turned, and clawed at the air with one of her hands, and a thick, sweeping blanket of fire stretched across the tunnel from top to bottom, holding the creatures back. Again she faced forward, and threw handfuls of white-hot magic into the space beyond; explosions rocked the crypt around them as they detonated, incinerating the surviving creatures, and flinging their remains in every direction.  
  
"Come on, yeh daft bugger!" yelled Morag, dragging Barry to his feet. They ran on, leaping over charred, and still-burning corpses, on an on into the darkness. The flame wall Morag had left behind sputtered and died, and in the shadows behind, they heard the flood of monsters bounding through, wailing and screeching, gaining on them with every stride. Barry's head was swimming; something was wrong, terribly wrong - this wasn't how it was supposed to be. He had been prepared for anything, for monsters, for terrible, mind-numbing fear, but there was something else here. He'd thought of nothing else but dying, but he couldn't do it, not yet, not now. Something was pulling at him.  
  
In a few seconds, they ran through into an open space, a huge square hall, lit dimly here and there by ragged torches hung from the walls. Half a dozen passageways branched off from this room, heading deeper into the labyrinth. Barry and Morag staggered into the middle, and glanced around, desperately.  
  
"Any ideas?" said Morag.  
  
From all around them, a deep, sibilant murmur pressed its way to the edges of the hall. There was a sudden rush of noise; some moving low and slowly, others crawling across walls, ceiling and pillar, the dwellers of the crypt poured in from all sides, closing in around the skeletons. With a great cry of defiance, Morag swept her arms around her, bringing to life an enormous, raging ring of fire. Screaming and howling, the creatures attacked. Those that made it through the inferno were blasted back by fireball after fireball, but the creatures were relentless, and seemingly without number; they came on again and again, cutting closer with each surge, and soon Morag had lost the advantage of distance. She waved her arms frantically, sending trails of fire spewing into the air; one of the creatures ducked and weaved its way towards her, and at last found its mark. It rocketed forward, pummelling against the skeletons and sending them clattering to the ground. The beast stopped, coiling itself tight and low, before screaming and springing forward - Morag looked away, hoping for something quick and final, but it never came. She heard something heavy and solid hit the ground, and shatter. She looked back - the remains of something awful were lying a few inches away from her, gleaming, smashed, and frozen solid.  
  
For a moment, the creatures paused, stunned and confused. Suddenly the air chilled, and a biting cold washed through the hall; air currents rose violently, whipping up sand and stones, and in a flurry of roaring white, a fully formed blizzard fell upon them. All at once, they turned this way and that, bellowing their anger and surprise. Morag watched as a group of them stopped in their tracks, watched as they turned pale and glassy, as cracks coursed over them with harsh snapping sounds, and then saw them explode in showers of frozen gore and chunks of ice. In the darkness beyond the dying circle of fire, something howled - but it was no beast. From nowhere, a single figure leapt into the fray, charging headlong at the gruesome mobs, sending them flying with blasts of freezing air from one hand, ripping them apart with streams of ice shards from the other. Morag let out a cry of joy, and jumping to her feet, she added her magic to the mayhem. Waves of fire and ice battered against the tangled knots of monsters, now frenzied with panic; the sudden extremes of temperature ripped many apart, their ruptured forms lost in the magical swirls of red and white, and as the tempest subsided, the survivors fled madly back into the shadows, chased by exploding fireballs and whizzing spikes of glacial ice. Morag looked across at the figure as he called to her.  
  
"Morag! Are you okay?"  
  
She couldn't believe her eye sockets. Walking closer, she looked him slowly up and down.  
  
"Kevin?"  
  
"Yeah.it's me."  
  
Morag put her hand on Kevin's breastbone, and looked up into his face. He was cold - he was always cold, but that old warmth was back in him. He was back.  
  
"Ah Christ, Kevin love. I cannae believe it.I cannae feckin' believe it!" she yelled, and threw her arms around him.  
  
"It's all right, Morag," Kevin said, a smile on his skull. "But come on, we've got to go - we've got to get back to the others. I've been looking all over the place, and you're the only one I've found."  
  
"Well, Barry's with me - look, he's right over -"  
  
But Barry wasn't there at all. He was gone.  
  
***  
  
The walls had turned into a blur, the sound of his feet scooping through the sand little more than an echo inside his head. He had made a dozen turns without even thinking; somehow, he knew he was headed in the right direction. Something other than fear was leading him now, something hidden, something forgotten. But he still felt afraid; it burned inside him, crying out for him to stop, but he couldn't do that, not now. Barry swallowed down his fear, and kept running. Shadows with eyes shrank back as he passed, giving him leave to move in their domain, even willing him on, and soon he came to the very heart of the crypt, a place forsaken by all goodness and any trace of hope. 


	6. More Soul than Heart

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 6 of 8  
  
  
  
MORE SOUL THAN HEART  
  
It was a huge chamber, cast in a hellish red glow by burning pyres and lamps. Gigantic, monolithic pillars, cracked and beaten, rose upwards to a ceiling lost in darkness. Debris of all kinds was cast about on the ground - fragments of masonry, broken statues and human remains, piled high against the walls or collected in corners. And amongst the debris, the denizens of the crypt watched. Some little more than animals, others some vicious crossbreed of man and demon. Barry's legs seemed to carry him forward of their own accord, and as he stumbled along the long path between the pillars, the chamber's full horror revealed itself. There were rows of people hung from the walls, violated in ways that Barry could scarcely understand. Huge bonfires of bodies had been set away to the sides, attended to by packs of slavering fiends. In front, enormous stone steps rose up, and almost powerless to resist, Barry began to climb. Creatures that looked like succubi were flaying the last strips of humanity away from those few heroes who had managed to win through this far, and who were now reduced to mere playthings. At last, Barry scaled the final step, and raised his head. There was arrayed in front of him a twisted mockery of a palace throne room; wide rugs woven from human skin and hair were laid across the stone, seeping fluid with every step Barry took upon them. Long drapes of rotting flesh hung from above, stretched and wrung till they brushed the floor. Vast assortments of shields, banners and weapons were fixed to the massive wall above, all broken, all beaten, and stained with their bearers' blood. And in the mighty throne that was the size of a cottage, that was crafted from bones and bronze and skulls, and adorned with unspeakable trophies and ornaments, sat Tenblade.  
  
"SO. YOU HAVE RETURNED AT LAST."  
  
It was a voice as old as time, and as endless as death; it was devoid of any pity, any hint of humanity. Firelight flickered over the demon's body, and Barry saw him, the being that had killed armies, and slain the greatest of champions. He was the size of a giant, but with thin, wiry limbs, his skin slick with sweat and blood. His arms - and Barry found himself morbidly excited to look at them, hung over the sides of his throne and across his body. Barry looked, and noted that he didn't, in fact, have ten arms at all - he had six. His chest, lean and shapely, rose up and down with slow breaths, and like fiery coals, his ruby eyes glowed from the shadows across his face. In the centre of his forehead, there was embedded a shard of crystal that pulsed as though alive, and was lit with some eerie inner light. For some strange reason, it looked horribly, horribly familiar. The entire world seemed to shake as he spoke again.  
  
"LONG HAVE I WAITED. LONG HAVE I DREAMT OF THIS DAY."  
  
"Er..." Said Barry.  
  
"SUCH SWEET IRONY THAT YOU SHOULD COME HERE, YET AGAIN."  
  
"Um. Hang on."  
  
"YET THIS TIME, YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD."  
  
"Uh, right - just a minute."  
  
Tenblade stopped talking, and stared down at Barry, his eyes fierce and sharp. Barry shifted his feet nervously, scraping together enough reckless courage to speak aloud.  
  
"Err.so, I - I've been here before. Um, haven't I?"  
  
Silence fell suddenly. It swamped him, thick and powerful, and Barry realised that the various inhabitants of Tenblade's hall had fallen quiet, and were watching him - they were all staring right at him. It felt as though he was at some sort of hideous wedding reception, and he'd just called the bride a mangy old slapper. Tenblade carried on staring, until it felt to Barry as though the demon's eyes would set his very bones on fire; finally, with a low, grating rumble, Tenblade rose to his feet. The hilts of his six swords could be seen hanging on his hips, gleaming in the dull light. He kept two of his enormous arms crossed over his stomach as he paced slowly forward, and standing over Barry, standing more than twice his height, he looked down and smiled a dreadful smile.  
  
"AS DULL AS YOU ARE CRAVEN, DEAD ONE. INDEED, YOU HAVE WALKED IN THIS HALL BEFORE. YOU HAVE STOOD ON THIS STEP BEFORE. YOU HAVE LAID YOUR EYES UPON ME BEFORE. ONLY IN THE MOST AUSPICIOUS FASHION DID YOU ESCAPE THIS PLACE - I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DO SO AGAIN. YOUR UN-LIFE.HAS COME TO ITS END."  
  
Just to sidestep for a moment, some two weeks prior to all of this, Barry had been nearly overcome with fright when Morag had shown him a jar full of fruit paste that had been left out in the sun, and had sprouted mould - if there are any true criteria for cowardice, then an intense fear of fungus must surely be one of them. Now compare a glass jar full of blooming mould, to a twelve-foot tall demon with six arms and a thirst for blood that hundreds of years of slaughter haven't even begun to quench.  
  
Moving off at a tangent again, a plain and simple fact about Barry was that he was miserable as well as perpetually frightened, and as far as he was concerned, death was by far preferable to un-death. Should an adequate opportunity to snuff it present itself, then Barry would, providing he could tear himself away from the critical and intricate business of being frightened stupid, run headfirst into danger, in the giddy hope of a quick and painless death. In fact, the more perilous the situation, the better - all the more chance of being knocked off and finding true happiness, as he figured. Now take this acutely strange outlook and, once again, apply to the aforementioned twelve-foot tall demon.  
  
The point is - Barry ought to have been terrified. Or, he ought to have been delighted. Well, truth be told, he ought to have been both. But strangely enough, he wasn't either.  
  
Tenblade stood still, and waited. The ghastly things that lived in his hall edged and crept and slithered closer for a better look at their master's latest prey.  
  
"I - I have been here before," said Barry, "It all looks so.it feels-"  
  
"FAMILIAR. YES, YOU REMEMBER. I KNOW YOUR QUESTIONS - LET ME ANSWER THEM WITH A TALE, FOR TALES ARE AS GREAT A PLEASURE TO ME AS MURDER, AND I HAVE TOO LONG INDULGED ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER. YOU CAME HERE FIRST MANY MOONS AGO, ON A NIGHT CLEAR AND COLD. YOU, AND THOSE WHO FOLLOWED YOU, CUT YOUR WAY HERE, TO THIS PLACE, SLAUGHTERING ALL OF MY CHILDREN WHO STOOD IN YOUR PATH. TERRIBLE WAS MY FURY THAT DAY, AND YOUR ALLIES FELL TO IT QUICKLY, BUT YOU.YOU FOUGHT WITH A STRENGTH GREATER THAN ANY I HAD SEEN OR SLAIN."  
  
"I fought.you?" said Barry, understanding the words, but unable to make any sense of them whatsoever.  
  
"INDEED. AND BUT FOR AN ILL-FATED ERROR, YOU WOULD HAVE EMERGED THE VICTOR. TEN ARMS AND BLADES I HAD WHEN FIRST OUR SWORDS CLASHED - TWO FROM EACH SIDE YOU TOOK, BEFORE I FELL. YOU HAD ME.ON MY KNEES, SKELETON."  
  
Tenblade's monstrous face was creased with hatred as he spoke, his wiry hands balling into knotted fists.  
  
"I WAS TRULY AT YOUR MERCY, AND ONLY YOUR VANITY SAVED ME. SEVERING MY HEAD FROM MY NECK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT ME TO AN END, BUT IT WAS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU - I COULD SENSE IT. YOU WISHED TO SEE THE EXPRESSION UPON MY FACE AS I DIED, SLOWLY, AT YOUR HANDS, AND SO YOU PLUNGED YOUR BLADE, YOUR ACCURSED BLADE.INTO MY BELLY."  
  
Tenblade turned slowly around, his seething scorn tight across his shoulders and back, and took a few heavy steps away from Barry.  
  
"NO PAIN HAD I FELT BEFORE, OR SINCE, THAT SO CONSUMED ME. BUT SWEET IT WAS, IN THE NEWS THAT IT BROUGHT. A LONG TIME HAVE I WALKED THIS EARTH, AND MANY TRICKS AND SECRETS HAVE I LEARNED. THAT WHICH ENTERS MY BODY BECOMES KNOWN TO ME, AND AS YOUR BLADE BIT, I KNEW AT LAST HOW I HAD BEEN BESTED."  
  
"I beat you? Wait a minute.I - I beat you?" said Barry to Tenblade's back, as his mind slowly caught up with the conversation. Tenblade gave the slightest turn of his head, his eye glaring, balefully.  
  
"NO, SKELETON. YOUR BLADE BEAT ME."  
  
Still clasping two arms around his midriff, he turned around.  
  
"SCORES OF WEAPONS THERE ARE THAT HOLD MAGICK WITHIN. AS YOURS LAY INSIDE OF ME, I CAME TO KNOW IT, AND I KNEW IT TO BE ONE OF THE VERY FIRST. A WEAPON OLDER THAN EVEN I - IT'S POWER WAS GREAT INDEED. GREAT ENOUGH TO INSTRUCT THE ART OF SWORDPLAY TO THE MOST WITLESS MIND. GREAT ENOUGH TO TURN A MAN WHO LIVED HIS LIFE AS A COWARD, AND A THIEF, AND A BLUNDERER, INTO A HERO - INTO A LEADER OF MEN. WITHOUT THE BLADE, YOU WERE NOTHING.  
  
MANY TRICKS HAVE I, DEAD ONE, MANY TRICKS WITH WHICH I SNARE MY PREY. MY FLESH CAN TURN TO MY WILL - THOUGH IT PAINED ME, I BADE MY FLESH OBEY ME; I TWISTED MY VERY GUTS AROUND YOUR BLADE, AND HELD IT TIGHT. THE CORRUPTION THAT FLOWS THROUGH MY BLOOD DROWNED YOUR PRECIOUS, WRETCHED SWORD, STRANGLING IT, TILL IT GAVE YOU NOTHING, SAVE IT'S HILT.  
  
POOR, POOR HUMAN, BEREFT OF HIS POWER, AND FACE-TO-FACE WITH THE MIGHTY TENBLADE, WHO KNELT NO LONGER. YOU SHOWED YOUR TRUE COLOURS TO ME IN THAT MOMENT, SKELETON, WHEN YOU GROVELLED FOR YOUR LIFE. I TOLD YOU THEN, AS I WILL TELL YOU NOW - I DO NOT END LIVES."  
  
With a long, sweeping motion, one of the demon's arms swung upwards to his forehead, and fingered the hunk of crystal lodged in it.  
  
"I SAVE THEM."  
  
In a horrifying, stomach-churning moment, Barry remembered. He remembered his last moments of life, here, in the very spot that he stood now. He had knelt, weeping, begging the demon not to kill him, but he knew that something far worse than death awaited him. The crystal sunk into Tenblade's forehead had pulsed harder and faster, beating like an evil heart, drawing him in, drawing him ever closer.  
  
"THE FIRST OF MY TRICKS, AND THE STRONGEST - MY PRETTY SOULS CAUGHT IN CRYSTAL. THIS IS THE FATE OF ALL WHO WOULD CROSS SWORDS WITH TENBLADE AND HIS CHILDREN."  
  
With a raucous clamour, the other creatures arrayed about them began to chant and cheer and holler, hissing and spitting with twisted delight.  
  
"A POWERFUL TRICK, BINDING BLOOD TO CRYSTAL - THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS IN MY VEINS, AND IN THE VEINS OF MY CHILDREN, IS TIED TO THIS." he said, touching the crystal again, "EVERY LIFE WE TAKE COMES TO THIS CRYSTAL, MAKING ME MORE THAN I AM - AN ENDLESS RIVER OF SOULS, OF POWER HAS FLOWED INTO IT SINCE IT CAME TO ME. KNOWLEDGE AND MEMORIES AND AS MANY TALES AS THERE ARE STARS IN THE SKY COME WITH EACH SOUL I STEAL. TO MANY PLACES HAVE I SENT MY YOUNG TO HARVEST THEM, AND MANY HAVE THEY SENT ME, BUT THE SWEETEST ARE THE ONES I REAP WITH MY OWN BLADES."  
  
Barry knew. He could feel them - he could feel the souls, thousands and thousands of souls, wailing and screaming, trapped in a void of endless torment. He remembered how close he had come, when Tenblade had tired of his begging, and had crushed his throat with his hands, and brought him near as the life ebbed from his broken body.  
  
"SWEETEST ABOVE ALL WOULD BE THE SOUL OF THE ONE WHO BESTED ME. SWEET BEYOND ALL IMAGINING."  
  
He remembered - he had felt his soul, his very being stretching, warping, being propelled forwards into that terrible, throbbing crystal - he had felt a fear unhampered by the limits of flesh, a fear that would have consumed him for all time.  
  
"THE BAREST TASTE OF YOU I HAD, THE BAREST GLIMPSE OF THE BANQUET, BEFORE."  
  
Something had happened. His soul had twisted, pulled suddenly from somewhere else, but the crystal wouldn't release him, and so strong was the strain between the two that it felt as though he would snap, and he prayed to everything good that the crystal would let him go, because wherever else he was being drawn to, it had to be better than an existence of endless fear. Wherever it was, he would thank God when he got there, and he would give thanks for it every day.  
  
"YOU WERE STOLEN AWAY FROM ME. I HAD THOUGHT IT WAS SOME ALLY OF YOURS, PRYING YOU AWAY WITH THEIR FEEBLE MAGICKS, BUT THE PULL WAS TOO STRONG - IT WAS THE PULL OF LIFE AND DEATH ITSELF."  
  
He was out of danger, but he was tumbling blindly into something else, and with every instant, memory drained away, fading, until he had nothing left save his name.  
  
"THE PULL OF A NECROMANCER. SUCH FORTUNE, THAT OF ALL THE SOULS THAT ROAM THE ETHER, YOURS, IN THE INSTANT AFTER IT HAD LEFT YOUR BODY, WAS PLUCKED TO BRING UN-LIFE TO A NECROMANCER'S HEAP OF BONES.  
  
SUCH FORTUNE. AND SUCH TWISTED FATE THAT THE SAME NECROMANCER HAS BROUGHT YOU BACK HERE, TO ME. HE AND HIS SERVANTS WILL MAKE FINE GAME FOR MY YOUNG, BUT YOU.YOU ARE MINE."  
  
Barry peered nervously back, aware that Tenblade was getting tired of 'tales' and was in the mood for other of his big passions.  
  
"Er, can't we settle this with.a nice game of poker? Or chess - do you like board games?"  
  
"I KNOW ONLY ONE GAME, SKELETON - AND IT IS A GAME THAT YOU TOO WISH TO PLAY, FOR YOU WERE DRAWN HERE BY ITS LURE. THE SWORD BECKONED YOU HERE, AS I KNEW IT WOULD."  
  
"The sword? It's.it's here?" said Barry, taking an uncharacteristically bold step forward. Something was indeed drawing him on, something that was making him braver, more sure of himself. The sword was calling to him.  
  
"INDEED, IT IS HERE."  
  
"Where? Where is it?"  
  
An awful grin stretched across Tenblade's face; he suddenly threw his head back and laughed, and the sound was utterly monstrous, like the raspy crowing of a thousand vultures.  
  
"THIS IS WHAT I HAVE WAITED FOR. THE BLADE IS YOURS, IF YOU WISH IT. YOU HAVE ONLY TO ASK, SKELETON."  
  
"You're just going to give it to me? Even though it'll give me the power to fight you? Why?"  
  
"BECAUSE IT PLEASES ME. BECAUSE IT WOULD BE NO SPORT TO CUT YOU DOWN AS YOU ARE. BECAUSE I AM TENBLADE, AND ONLY ONE HAS BESTED ME, AND WHETHER BY MAGICK OR SKILL, I CARE NOT, FOR I WILL FIGHT YOU AGAIN, AND I WILL END YOU!"  
  
The demon's cries echoed around the vast hall, and around the inside of Barry's head. With more confidence in his own voice than he had ever heard, Barry took another step forward and said,  
  
"All right. I want the sword. Where is it?"  
  
"IT IS WHERE YOU LEFT IT, DEAD ONE." Said Tenblade, and at last moved aside the two arms that were across his front. There, plunged into his great stomach, was the small and weathered hilt of a sword.  
  
"NOW COME AND RETRIEVE IT, AND WE SHALL FINISH OUR GAME." 


	7. Even the Dead May Die

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 7 of 8  
  
  
  
EVEN THE DEAD MAY DIE  
  
  
  
There was a small and very quiet voice somewhere inside Barry's head that was desperately trying to convince him that he was actually asleep, and all of this was just a dream - a strange, incredibly realistic dream, but with every cautious step Barry took towards Tenblade, towards the sword, the voice became dimmer and dimmer. Every living thing in the hall had fixed its gaze upon Barry as he slowly edged forward; as he moved, he stared up at the great demon's face, watching for any sudden trickery, but Tenblade merely stood still and waited.  
  
At last Barry drew near to him, and carefully reaching up to the sword, sunk to its very hilt in the flesh of the demon's stomach, he grasped hold. It was disgusting - slick with congealed blood and gore that even now seeped onto it from Tenblade's innards. He tugged it hesitantly and felt it trapped tight, but as he pulled, there came a wet and ghastly sound of unravelling flesh, and the blade, along with a gush of thick, stinking fluid, slid out of Tenblade's body. A great murmuring rose up from the creatures gathered about, and they pressed closer, watching ever more intently.  
  
Barry stepped back and held up the sword; there wasn't much left of it. The hilt and cross-guard had been partially corroded, and had rusted to a sickly orange colour. The blade was more or less non-existent; it extended for perhaps six inches, and was pressed and bent and burned so that it looked less like a blade and more like a thick twig - the rest of it had been eaten away.  
  
"Oh, lovely." Said Barry.  
  
But even as he stood there, wondering how he was going to defeat one of the deadliest creatures on the earth with what amounted to little more than a handle, the sword began to shake in his grip. Barry watched as the filth caking the hilt began to melt and slough off onto the ground, and amidst a thin, high-pitched whine, the metal began to smoothen out and brighten, till it was a blinding gold. Tiny pin-pricks of light emerged from the darkness around, and with an eerie metallic ring, they began to congregate upon the withered blade, flattening and stretching and hardening, until at last the ringing stopped, and the blade was reformed - a glowing silver, that was bathed in an aura of shimmering light. It was a beautiful, gleaming long-sword, and just holding it seemed to push back the shadows around, and bring hope into Barry's thoughts. The blade hummed gently as Barry turned it, gazing over it, wondering at how overwhelmingly familiar it felt in weight and grip; Tenblade's young balked at the sight of it, and shrank away, hissing and murmuring.  
  
"SO. THE TIME HAS COME."  
  
The time had come. It had all come back to him - how he'd found the sword, how it had changed him, how he'd led whole companies of men into battle, and into death. Barry could scarcely believe how completely cowardice had consumed his life, and his un-life - the very idea of fear now seemed utterly alien.  
  
"It has." He whispered, as he held the flat of the blade to his brow, feeling the strength pouring into him.  
  
***  
  
They were close to the end now, but this last stretch would prove the hardest of all. The flesh golem could feel the evil that lay in wait, and time was fast running out. A legion of whispering shadows rippled through the misty murk ahead of them - Tenblade's children, out to gather souls for their dark father, and beyond them stood the great arch leading to the hall of Tenblade himself. Only one of the skeletons was unaccounted for, and it was as clear as day where he was. It had all come down to this.  
  
With the Man in Black behind, and Morag and Kevin at its sides, the flesh golem charged.  
  
***  
  
Barry drew himself up and held the sword out in front with hands that were steady and calm. The crowd of beasts stirred, some of them turning and gazing back towards the great arched entranceway to the hall. They seemed suddenly uneasy and distracted, but Barry stepped forward, wholly focused, until Tenblade's shadow fell across him.  
  
The demon said nothing, but only stared downwards, a look of knowing, and cold, ruthless malice smouldering in his eyes. One by one, each of his six arms reached down to his waist and drew out a scimitar, holding it high to the side. He seemed like some deadly, vengeful god, his dark blades fanned out and swaying slowly, seductively.  
  
Something shook the ground, the sudden and thunderous sound of it catching up an instant later. Barry turned around; far behind, at the very entrance to the hall, there was a huge throng of moving figures. Dozens of creatures just beyond the arch had been sent reeling back into the hall - with terrific momentum, something was clouting its way through them, framed by fiery explosions and shrouded in white, seeping fog. A memory flickered in the back of Barry's mind; he recognised the figure, he knew it was one of his friends. But Barry no longer had any friends, and he no longer had any fear - he had only the sword, and his only want was Tenblade's lifeless body at his feet. He turned back around, to see a great whirling shape rushing towards him.  
  
***  
  
The flesh golem cannoned forward, not daring to slow, or look back. The great chamber had become thick with fiends, scuttling in through cracks in the walls and ceiling, pouncing from every direction, shrieking and spitting in a vicious frenzy. Things with huge, beating wings flapped down from their nesting places in the darkness above, swooping to attack with raking claws. The golem stormed on, hammering and ripping at anything in its path; it felt surges of raw magic across its back as its companions behind unleashed torrents of fire and freezing air, beating the hellspawn back, clearing a path as best as they could. The golem sensed the powers of life and death as the Man in Black called them forth, hurling his full might against the demonic horde. The four of them pressed forward, but even now, Tenblade's young closed in behind them, cutting off retreat; there were legions of them, whole swarms pouring in from every corner of the crypt. Too many for them to fight, or to escape. There was only one chance - the snake's head had to be severed. Carried by a gust of frigid wind, the golem hurtled onwards.  
  
***  
  
Metal flashed and gleamed, whining as great scimitar blades sliced through the air, then singing and sparking as they struck fellow metal. Barry reeled backwards, almost losing hold of his sword; again Tenblade came, his arms looping and arcing, before he swung with three blades together, sending Barry staggering backwards once more. Tenblade smiled, ever so slightly; Barry knew the demon was testing him, probing him. His own thoughts swirled; foreign knowledge and instincts fused with his own, and smothered them. For a moment, the two faced each other, their gazes meeting in the gloom. In one instant, with swords held high, they flew against each other. Sparks rained onto the ground as their blades met; faster than sight, even faster than thought, Barry's sword lashed and parried, glancing from one scimitar to the next. His mind surged with memories of their last duel - now, without the restrictions of skin and muscle, he was even stronger, even faster, coiling and weaving like a ribbon in a gale, delivering blow after blow, driving the great demon back step by step. Tenblade gave a great bellow of frustration, thrashing his scimitars wildly, but none found their mark. Barry darted in, and with a mighty upstroke, severed one of the flailing arms cleanly from Tenblade's body. Rolling forward, Barry rose and spun around to face him as he stumbled back, grasping at the bloody stump.  
  
"That's five on, five off, mate," said Barry, with a touch of arrogance in his voice, "We keep going like this, and I'll have to start calling you 'Twolegs'."  
  
Tenblade roared, his utter hatred of Barry rippling across his muscles and sinews. He charged in again, but he was off balance; his blows seemed loose and slow, and they hit nothing but empty air. In a matter of seconds, four deadly sword strokes deprived him of all but one right arm, its hand clinging desperately to the great demon's last scimitar. Barry danced around his reach, his sword still glowing brightly as it swayed and snaked in his grip.  
  
"End of the line, Tenblade," said Barry, "this is your finish. You should have known you couldn't win this."  
  
"FOOLISH.FOOLISH HEAP OF BONES." Grunted Tenblade, his once terrible voice now broken and hoarse, "I HAVE.ALREADY WON."  
  
A tidal wave of something awful, something sickening and crippling washed through Barry's mind - it was fear. The pristine, whining song of his blade contorted suddenly into a menacing groan; its pure white glow muddied into brown, then a dank, bloody red, and the surface of the blade itself began to flake and blister.  
  
"What.what's." stuttered Barry.  
  
"DID YOU THINK.IT COULD HAVE STAYED INSIDE OF ME FOR SO LONG, WITHOUT GIVING ME SOME OF ITS SECRETS?"  
  
With a dull clang, the sword fell from Barry's slackening grip onto the floor. Crawling horror swept over him, invading him; he floundered backwards, clutching his arms to his breast, hunching low like a frightened animal.  
  
"IT TOO.HAS A SOUL, AND IT IS TIED TO MY CRYSTAL, LIKE SO MANY OTHERS. ITS POWER WILL EBB IF I WISH IT, AND SO I DO - IT.WILL GIVE YOU NOTHING MORE."  
  
"You - you ch-cheat?" whimpered Barry.  
  
"THIS FIGHT IS OVER - YOU.ARE OVER."  
  
"But - but I th-thought you wanted.a f-fair fight? You wanted - wanted to beat-"  
  
"MY PRIDE IS NOT SO GREAT.THAT I WOULD LOSE MY LIFE TO PRESERVE IT." Growled Tenblade. "A GREAT VICTORY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TO DEFEAT YOU WITH THE BLADE.I WILL SETTLE.FOR YOU ALONE."  
  
Barry couldn't move. His fear was a tangible thing, pressing him down to the flagstones; so much fear, crushing him, as though the past minute of reckless bravery was being counterbalanced. Tenblade lurched towards him; with but one remaining arm, he was a shadow of his former, terrible self, but to Barry, he was a monstrous leviathan - awesome, unbeatable. He stood overhead, his blood dripping down onto Barry's trembling bones, and drew his blade high. There had to be some way out, some way of resisting him, but Barry was too terrified to know, or even care what it might be.  
  
With a mighty swing, Tenblade brought his scimitar down, and hacked off one of Barry's arms.  
  
"WOULD THAT YOU HAD EIGHT MORE, THAT OUR SCORE MIGHT BE SETTLED. IT MATTERS NOT - I WILL MAKE AS MANY PIECES OF YOU AS I WISH!"  
  
Another swing, splitting the stone beneath as it cleaved one of Barry's legs off below the knee. Barry squirmed and cried, his pain only adding to his spiralling terror. From some far off place, he heard a cacophony of inhuman sounds; Tenblade's young streamed up the steps from below, and they had brought trophies for their patriarch. The limp and beaten bodies of Morag and Kevin were flung onto the great rug of flesh in front of Tenblade's throne. Their bones were shattered and split; there was some fleeting glimmer of un-life about them, but it was fading fast.  
  
The mob of creatures heaved, parting to either side, as something dragged itself forwards and up the final step. It was the flesh golem. Scraping along on its belly, leaving a thick trail of blood in its wake, it laboured towards the stooping figure of Tenblade. The golem's body had been torn to shreds; great chunks of it had been gouged out, and its broken bones stuck out at awkward angles, but it persevered, relentless, and determined. Tenblade's young spat and clawed at it as it inched forward, torturing away the last of its strength. At last, Tenblade stepped forward, and with a great downwards thrust, skewered the golem, pinning it to the floor.  
  
Somewhere - somewhere down below, the Man in Black fought on, his last reserves of magick being worn down as a raging sea of fiends battered against him. He wouldn't last much longer. Time, however, had just run out for the skeletons and the golem. All had taken fatal wounds, and for them, the low light, which first seemed to fade and suffocate, finally went out. The crystal was calling. 


	8. Lease of Life

HUMERUS  
  
By Mayavan Thevendra  
  
Part 8 of 8  
  
  
  
LEASE OF LIFE  
  
  
  
Four souls danced and weaved through some unknown aspect of space, pulled helplessly forward. Against the harsh, wailing background of utter fear, Barry was vaguely conscious of - something. He knew where they were headed, and he knew that things had undeniably gone completely tits-up, but there was something else. Morag and Kevin seemed far away, almost invisible, but the golem was shining like a supernova, and suddenly, Barry knew that something important had happened. The golem had decided that, as enjoyable as a life of servitude spent trudging around the desert was, it was time to move onto other, hopefully better things. Seeing as how it had come to regard the three skeletons as valued associates, you might even say - friends, it had decided to leave them a gift. And in typical fashion, it had eschewed the traditional route of chocolates, flowers, or gift vouchers, and gone for something a little longer lasting.  
  
The ancient spirit crystal, cursed and foul, its origin lost in the sands of time, was drawing the souls closer, when there was a sense of a terrific amount of weight abruptly vanishing, and suddenly, there was one soul less. A hungry, frenzied beast, the crystal tried to pull the remaining three closer, but they would not come. As vile a thing as this gem was, it was still bound by rules, and so could only absorb the souls of the truly dead. Now, inexplicably, there were none to be had. The void around them warped and wriggled as three very surprised souls received their friend's parting gift: the gift of blood, the gift of flesh - the gift of life.  
  
Reality flickered somewhere behind, came hurtling brightly towards them, and smacked them in the face.  
  
***  
  
As it happened, reality was something akin to a cold shower - bracing, unfamiliar, and potentially fatal. Barry was vaguely aware of feeling much heavier and softer than normal, before something hard smashed into the flagstones beside his head. As he convulsed his way into a standing position, Tenblade's scimitar swung again, wildly. There was something very strange and alarming going on inside Barry's head, aside from the enormous sense of imminent peril. Legs that felt four sizes too big tripped and crumpled beneath him; with a ragged, rattling howl, Tenblade staggered forward, his sword bobbing above his head. His eyes were mad, now more bestial than demonic. He pulled back his scimitar, this time intent on finishing Barry for good - and then something hit him on the head.  
  
"Hoi! Ge'away from him ye fekker!"  
  
Barry watched in daft bewilderment as two people he'd never seen before in his life threw chunks of stone and metal at the tottering giant.  
  
"Barry, quick - get the bloody sword!"  
  
The sword. It was laying there, a wounded, discarded thing, framed by a throng of living shadows that even now had begun to recover their bearings and will. Barry scrambled back onto his feet, and with a gait of movement that most likely felt as odd as it looked, he made a wild sprint for the blade.  
  
Yet another projectile stung Tenblade, striking his temple and sending him stumbling. He was an enraged animal, and saw nothing of Barry as he flopped his way though the gloom, not until his hand had wrapped around the sword's hilt. Silver light sprang out into the darkness, muscle and tendon flexed with unnatural precision, and with a great flying leap, Barry swung the sword.  
  
He landed lightly, and a moment afterwards, there followed a sharp crack as the soul crystal struck the floor, hacked free of Tenblade's forehead; his power was lost. In a final fit of desperate rage, the demon flung himself forward, his scimitar thrust out in front. Barry made one stroke to parry the blade, another to sever the arm, and a third to draw a gash across Tenblade's belly that brought him, finally, to his knees. Tenblade stared back, his eyes lit by a quivering glow, his shoulders and flanks a horrible mess of bone and gore.  
  
"SO."  
  
"So." Said Barry.  
  
He felt an undeniable urge to gloat. And not just to gloat, but to carve Tenblade into as many pieces as his imagination and energy would allow. But Barry had been here before, and he knew only too well how unforgiving decisions such as these were to those who chose poorly. A great wall of indignant monstrous fury swelled around them as Tenblade's young pressed in for the attack; with no more delay, Barry spun, the blade a thin razor of light, and cut Tenblade's head from his neck.  
  
For just a moment, it seemed that the headless body tried to heave itself up off its knees, but as a torrent of black blood spilled from the stump, the corpse fell to the ground, lifeless and limp. A great shudder passed through the ranks of demons, and they halted, staring at their patriarch's body. There was no rage left, no bloodlust; leaderless, fatherless and powerless, they felt only fear. They gave a raucous, desolate cry that was both terrifying and terrified, and fled from the hall in mad, shrieking droves, deep into the shadows of the crypt.  
  
Somewhere, in some unknown realm of existence, Barry felt his luck run out.  
  
"Barry! Barry, are ye a'right?"  
  
Obviously the peculiar sensation in his brain had affected his vision - the sight of two naked people running up towards him, their flesh pink and baby- like, their bits jiggling all over the place, was one that must surely have been produced by some form of dementia.  
  
"God, Barry, look at you!"  
  
It sounded like Kevin - the old Kevin, and it even looked like him, although considerably meatier than Barry had ever seen him before. Peering cautiously downwards, Barry examined himself.  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
Flesh, pink and baby-like. Senses and articulation based upon biological means rather than magickal. He was alive. They all were, and it was pretty obvious to all of them who was responsible. For some strange reason, Barry couldn't help but feel angry - angry that only three of them should survive, angry that he hadn't spent more time with Fleshy, and angry at himself for being such a damned coward, for being so weak as to have allowed things to happen this way. Barry had barely spoken a pleasant word to the flesh golem, in all of their travels, and yet, it had given its life for them. It wasn't supposed to have turned out like this.  
  
"Oh, Barry," said Morag as she cleared aside tangles of curly, fiery red hair, "what are we going to do now?"  
  
"Now?" said Barry. "As far as I can see, any of a million and one things, love. But hanging around here ain't one of them."  
  
He turned the blade in his hand one last time, before casting it down to rest beside Tenblade's body. Almost immediately, and with a marked sense of relief, he felt its influence withdraw, sucked inwards into the fabric of the sword as if to recuperate and await another's hand.  
  
"Aren't you taking it?" asked Kevin.  
  
"Aye, it's a pretty powerful piece o' steel," added Morag, "it might come in handy."  
  
"It might." Said Barry, staring grimly down at it, "but there's something not right about that thing. Let someone else have it. If they're dim enough to come all the way down here," he said, peering into the shifting dark of the hall, "then they'll deserve it."  
  
A cold, electric blue light seeped up from below as the three of them descended the great stone steps. Picking their way through the heaps of demonic dead, they approached the light's source - a glimmering way portal, and close-by was the hunched and beaten form of the Man in Black. From the look of things, the fight had ended nary a moment too soon. His hastily summoned exit would have proven unreachable had Tenblade's horde not taken flight. Now, as he hobbled awkwardly towards it, he called out once again, his psychic voice piercing the ethereal realm between thought and sound.  
  
"MINIONS HELP."  
  
Barry, Morag and Kevin stared back at him for a moment, as if waiting for, and thoroughly expecting something to happen. A few tense moments passed, after which it still hadn't come.  
  
"Hmm. Help, eh?" said Barry, beaming with relief.  
  
"MINIONS HELP." Repeated the Man in Black, doddering somewhere between stooping half-upright, and falling on his face.  
  
"Right, right, I heard you the first time, mate." Barry said, walking towards him. Very gently, he took the weight off the Man's injured leg, and eased him up, before kneeing him in the crotch.  
  
"OOOOONNG!" Said the psychic voice of the Man in Black.  
  
"You can take your 'Minions this' and 'Minions that' and stick it up your arse, you bleedin' twat!" said Barry, and walked past him into the way- portal.  
  
"Aye, what he said!" Morag snapped, sniffing in the Man's direction and following Barry through.  
  
"UUUUNGH.UGG - GOING TO BE.SICK."  
  
Kevin bent down so that he was face to face with the doubled-up necromancer, and flashed him a sympathetic smile.  
  
"Really sorry about that - traumatic experience, feelings running high, I'm sure you understand. Anyway, it's been lovely working for you, a real peach, but consider our service agreement hereby terminated." Said Kevin, before he strolled past, turned around, kicked the Man in Black in the backside and disappeared into the portal.  
  
***  
  
Lut Gholein was evidently a very different place, once one had acquired a pulse.  
  
At first, the Jewel City of the desert was undeniably frightening, every noise an alarm - though this was remedied by stealing some clothes from an unobserved washing line and putting an end to a flagrant and unlawful display of public nakedness. To those inclined to be fully clothed, Lut Gholein was nothing short of spectacular. The number of stories that could be told in a city such as this, the number of directions a person's life could take, was as limitless as the colours and sounds and scents that sprang from every street.  
  
Right now, the direction that three people in particular had chosen was straight towards the nearest pub.  
  
"So wha's next then?" asked Morag, tying back her hair as they walked.  
  
"You mean after getting horrifically pissed?" asked Kevin.  
  
"Aye, after that."  
  
"Heh, who knows? The sky's the limit, I'd say. Of course, since neither you or me have got any more magic left in us than in a dog's fart, so to speak, we'll be on even terms with everyone else - but so much the better."  
  
"Ye think?"  
  
"Definitely. It feels right this way, you know? Like a clean start, completely clean. It's going to be terrific - right, Barry? Barry?"  
  
Barry looked back distractedly, startled out of his quiet musing.  
  
"Hmm?" he mumbled.  
  
"Ye a'right there?" asked Morag, as the three of them stopped.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I, uh.I was just thinking about Fleshy."  
  
A new, unblemished face, ruddy and rosy, and Barry had already creased it with lines of concern. Kevin and Morag could clearly see the pain across it, as Barry shook his head, and glared at the sand around at his feet.  
  
"It's just."  
  
"No." said Morag, with a sudden sharpness that made Barry look back up.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I said no. I'm not going to let ye bury yourself in guilt and self-pity, Barry! Now ye listen to me - Fleshy's dead, an' nothin's going to change that, but he gave us life! Life! Here an' ye wanted to die for an age, an' ye always said how much of a joke it was to be us, and now we've got a real, proper second go at it! We're alive, and he's with us, love - he'll always be with us."  
  
"Right, mate. And in more ways than one." Said Kevin, who put his hand to his face and gave his cheek a jiggle that made Barry smile.  
  
"So now, come on Barry," pleaded Morag, "wha's next for us?"  
  
Barry stared silently back, rubbed his forehead, and finally said:  
  
"You mean after getting pissed?"  
  
"Aye! Right!"  
  
Barry's smile broadened into a grin, and with a glint in his eye, he put his arms around the other two, and pushed them on towards the tavern ahead.  
  
"Well, for starters.we're going to tell every sod with a pair of ears what we just did - excluding the bit about us formerly being undead minions, of course. We'll be famous, 'the heroes who escaped Tenblade's lair'!"  
  
"Uh-huh, and I suppose it won't matter that we cannae prove a word of it?" laughed Morag.  
  
"Proof? We've got the greatest tale ever told under our belts," raved Barry, "a bit of drama, a bit of theatre, and we'll have 'em eating out of our hands - who needs proof?"  
  
"Crikey, I still can't believe you actually did it," said Kevin with a chuckle. "You killed Tenblade. You, of all people."  
  
"Aye, Barry against Tenblade - now there's a match-up!"  
  
"We'll, you know," said Barry, "to be dead honest, he really wasn't all that tough, especially not at the end. In fact."  
  
"No, no, don't do it!" gurgled Kevin, his hands over his mouth.  
  
"You, heh, you might even say."  
  
"Och, Barry, I'm warnin' ye!" moaned Morag.  
  
".That he was completely armless! Armless! Ha! Ha! Ha!"  
  
Morag buried her face in her hands, whilst Kevin got down onto his knees, and pretended to retch.  
  
"Oh come on!" Cried Barry "Armless! Come on! That was funny!"  
  
Kevin was right - it, life, was going to be terrific, simply because it was now theirs, and not some mysterious Man in Black's. The future was rushing headlong into the present - three minutes from now, they would reach the tavern eager for a drink and find that in their excitement, they had overlooked the fact that they had absolutely no money. Twenty seconds on from then, Barry would catch sight of a rather fat leather purse, hanging precariously, you might even say invitingly, from the sash of a plump, wealthy looking woman carrying a wooden staff.  
  
And who knows what would happen after that.  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
